Boundaries

Healthy boundaries allow us to control all sorts of things in our lives, including our own behavior and which behaviors we will accept from others. The boundaries we have obviously include limits around physical touch and sexual behavior, but also language, time, spiritual beliefs, money, etc.

For example, a person may be comfortable holding hands with her partner in public, but “draw the line” at her partner touching her in a sexual way, or kissing, in front of other people. That “line” is her boundary. Abuse happens when one person violates another person’s boundaries.

It is important to know your boundaries! Think about some of the following questions and get a sense of your own boundaries. When you know what they are, you are aware when they are being pushed and you will know when you need to speak up.

• Should a person I want to date have similar spiritual beliefs?
• What counts as cheating? (think about physical AND emotional cheating)
• What am I comfortable with in terms of a physical relationship?
• How do I feel about the person I want to date/I am dating drinking or using drugs?
• How much time do I want to spend with a boy/girlfriend?
• How do I want to spend time with a boy/girlfriend?
• Is it important that my friends and family approve of who I’m dating? Why or why not?
• How does money affect a dating relationship? (Who should pay? If someone pays for something, do they deserve something in return?)
• What are some reasons that I do or do not want to date right now?